Today Ive woken up feeling….. wrong!
I don’t know why, I just feel foggy, on edge, anxious, wobbly and irritable.
I had a fab day with my family yesterday, lots of pumpkin carving and Halloween fun with plenty of sweets and bad for me food that tastes oh so good!!! I felt a bit wobbly and forgetful in the day but I perked up in the evening, ready for a family party.
So why am I feeling like this today??
I honestly don’t think there is a reason! It’s the nature of the mental health beast, it can strike at any time without reason or warning!!
The question I should be asking myself is this…. what am I going to do about it???
Something I’ve learned in my many years of living with depression and anxiety is that it’s totally under my control, I’ve just had to learn to control it! It’s taken a while but I have now created my own positive bag of tricks that can help bring me out of a shitty day! Its not a real bag, but just a few things that I can do to stop my rubbish day turning into a rubbish week!! Big thank you to Kerry (a very lovely lady and coordinator of the Perinatal Support Project in my area) who shared her bag of tricks with me 🙂
So here we go, in real time, I’m going to take you through my day, sharing my bag of tricks with you all and hopefully we will get through today together!!!
09:24 I’m out of bed…. excellent start!! Something I learned from my grandparents when I stayed with them for a week 3 years ago to help me through a breakdown, get out of bed!! It doesn’t sound like much, but when you feel like crap and all you want to do is be swallowed up whole by the duvet monster, choosing not to and escaping it’s evil but oh so comfy grip is the start of turning a shit day into a good one!
I’ve told Superman than I’m feeling rubbish, not that I needed to tell him because the anxiety was radiating off me! He is now aware and has told me to take a shower and brush my teeth! Again, sounds small and rather odd but having someone tell you to get ready actually helps when your brain is full of rubbish thoughts and cobwebs!!
I’m writing!!! And it’s helping that I’m writing in the moment, pouring my thoughts on to the screen of my phone gets them out of my head to give me room for nice thoughts later!!
Now I’m off to dye my hair! I’ve been meaning to do it all week but I keep putting it off! Today feels like the best day to do it, hopefully my new vibrant hair colour will cheer me up and the hair dye will seep into my brain and knock out Negative Nelly for good…. I live in hope!!!
10:05 Hair dye ON!! I also listened to some Christina Aguilera, my musical weapon of choice today! Her album Stripped reminds me of being at college, happy memories that took my mind off feeling like shit!
Superman got Bean dressed downstairs, so now I’m taking over so he can have a shower.
Bean is having her breakfast, which is exactly what I need to do!
What I WANT to eat and what I SHOULD eat when I’m feeling like this are completely different! I WANT to eat 5 double sausage and egg McMuffins with 20 hash browns of the side!!
What I SHOULD eat is something packed full of micronutrients, protine, and good fats to help fuel my body and give me some much needed energy!!
So it’s a Green Smoothie for me today!!
10:59 Smoothie nailed, helped Superman tidy the house, hair dye washed off, I’ve had a shower and I’m dressed in actual clothes!! Small steps!!
11:32 I’m out of the house!!! Currently blogging in the car whilst Superman drives us to Sainsbury’s. Didn’t think I’d be out the house at all today so I’ve done well to be out before lunchtime! Feeling much more positive and able to take on the day without being controlled by anxiety. I’m not completely out of the woods and I’m still feeling wobbly but I’m nothing like the sad bed slug that I was this morning, yay me!!!
13:43 Big shop accomplished along with lunch at Sainsbury’s café!
Feeling a bit quiet and wobbly again and we’ve got to go to Superman’s sisters to have our hair cut…. I want nothing more than to stay at home with the duvet monster and cry… but I won’t!!! I’m going to carry on just getting through today…. I can do this!!!!!
17:34 I did it!!! We visited Superman’s sister and family and a lovely time. We also had new haircuts and Bean had a fab time crawling around and screaming at everyone! Something I would have missed if I had stayed in bed this morning!
Now I’m watching Disney’s Descendants for the millionth time with the girl, who is about to give me a makeover apparently.
20:00 Well, I did it!!! Still feeling a bit flat but very proud of myself for getting out of the house and being productive even though I wasnt feeling it this morning!!
I had my little makeover from the girl and then we all watched fireworks from the kids bedroom window… there’s no way I could have coped with a busy fireworks display!!
Even though I still don’t feel 100%, it could have been a hell of a lot worse if I hadn’t had taken control of my mental health this morning! And I’m actually glad I have shared my day with the people who read my blog.
Everything I have written today has been completely raw and unedited…. hence the zero amount of humour in this post (and possibly a shit load of spelling and grammar mistakes!!!!)
Today could have been the start of a bad week, month and possibly year, but I nipped it in the bud before it got any worse!
I hope this post inspires others to create their own “mental” bag tricks!
20:20 Superman has just made me do a very “special” chicken dance to make me laugh…. It worked!!
I’m gonna go to bed soon and hopefully I’ll feel better tomorrow! If not, I know what to do!
I might even do a bit of exercise and drink lots of water as I know this also helps!
Tomorrow is a new day…..
I just need to keep this saying in my head…