Dear Beautiful Bean….

You were never part of my plan, not in the beginning.

Long before I met your Daddy, I was married to another man and had planned to have a baby with him. But he made Mummy very sad. All I ever wanted in life was to be someone’s Mummy, but not like this. I didn’t want to bring up a child in a home where the Daddy shouted all the time and made the Mummy cry.

So I left, not knowing if I would ever find a lovely Daddy, to love both me and my baby.

Then I met your Daddy, the most wonderful man in the whole world.

He was already a Daddy to a girl and a boy and worked hard to make them very happy, bringing them up half of the week on his own.

He was the one, the perfect Daddy for my beautiful baby.

When I found out about you, I cried with joy but also fear. What if I wasn’t a good Mummy? What if something was to happen to you before you were even born?? What I’d something happened to Mummy after you were born?? That thought always made me the most sad at first but then knew you would be in the safest hands in the world!

The day you were born was the best day of my life so far. Scary at first, but once I held you in my arms, I felt so calm and peaceful.

You are now nearly 1 year old and I still can’t believe how beautiful you are!! Your big toothy smile and amazing sense of humour can cheer up even the grumpiest of people. And even though Mummy feels guilty for not taking you to lots of playgroups or letting you sleep in your own room yet, please know this, I’m doing the best job I can!

Me and Daddy are so proud of you already and can’t wait to see what kind of grown up you become. But please don’t grow up too fast!!!

I’m not quite ready to stop picking you up in my arms and singing to you whilst you sleep, I want to cherish these little moments of you still needing me for as long as I can.

But when you do grow up, it will be in a house full of love and respect for each other. No shouting, no sadness, just happy and wonderful times with the best family in the world!

You were ALWAYS part of the plan, I just didn’t know it back then!




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12 thoughts on “Dear Beautiful Bean….

  1. Lorraine Robinson says:

    We all have insecurities but at the end of the day we all love our kids and will do whatever feels right to be the best we can be!!! Keep up the good work Gemma, u doing a grand job xxxx


  2. Stacey says:

    That’s such a lovely post. Hope Bean has a lovely 1st birthday (and you enjoy it too) Isn’t it funny how things don’t always work out the way we planned, but sometimes work out better than we’d hoped.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Astrid says:

    This is such a beautiful post! The love for your Bean shines off of it. I’m so sorry you had to endure this much to get where you are now though. #BrilliantBlgPosts


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