Dad of three to baby Bean, Bow and Bobby. Trying to battle with a Mum of a Bean with PND, Anxiety and Fibromyalgia with a sprinkling of sarcasm 😉
So it’s Father’s Day and I thought it would be a good idea for me to say my piece on behalf of all Dads. Apparently there will be no come back from the boss, so I can say anything I like!
For example, women, especially new Mums and Pregnant ones are fucking nuts!!!!!!!!!
This may have some of you shouting at the screen or calling me all sorts of names, which is one of the reasons why I am saying you’re nuts, but let me explain.
We blokes know we can be stubborn, impatient, arseholes etc but we are also emotional, sensitive, caring, etc, we just don’t like to admit it. Sorry I am drifting slightly from what I am here writing about!
So let me begin AGAIN…………
A long time ago in a galaxy far far away……….. Oh this is Baby Wars episode III – Revenge of the Hormones (No rip off to Star War intended)!!!
When we found out that we were expecting baby Bean, I thought, Jesus Christ!!! We’ve only been trying for a couple of months, I must be an X-men with special Rambo sperm powers, but then realised we had been going at it pretty much solid. Which, as now baby Bean is ten months old, sperm is not allowed anywhere near that area anymore or it’s Top, Middle or Bottom (TMI I know)! No more hot spot!
After the announcement to me via the most scared, shocked face you’ve ever seen whilst I was on the phone to my Ex Wife, the realisation kicked in, I am going to be a Dad again!!! This scared the living shit out of me! I’d done it twice before, but they’re now independent and all they need me to do is spellings, moan about tidying their room and try to stop the Xbox from overheating. Now i’ll be going back to changing nappies, feeding and all the other things you do with a baby. But even after the panic (Which I kept to myself) the thought that being a Dad for third time was that it was going to be the most amazing thing ever!
Bless her, and I mean, BLESS HER! She most certainly didn’t have it easy, and again, I know some of you women will say it is never easy, but fucking hell she had it tough!!! Pre Natal depression, anxiety, Fibromyalgia, sciatica, she even ended up wheel chair bound towards the end. So from my point view, this was becoming nine months of hell, as not only did I have my own shit going off, but the woman I loved was suffering so much.
So I put on my costume and cape and tried to become a superhero and do everything I could to make life as good as possible for the whole family and also work full time. This was a killer and I ended up working from home so much it has had a knock on effect to my mental health. But fuck me, I didn’t care about me, it was my job to push her round Centre Parcs in her wheel chair, up the biggest steepest hills you would only see on Everest or Centre Parcs. But when I look back now, yes it was ridiculously hard and the hormonal imbalance of a pregnant depressed woman didn’t help, I wouldn’t change it as it built us as a couple and we knew if we worked together we could get through and achieve anything! Oh and if any of you who are pregnant has had anyone say “Man Up” tell them to fuck off! Cause there is no man alive that could deal with that shit!
Third time round, you thought I’d be well practiced right? But NO! We were told by the quacks that she was coming not when she was supposed to because she was not growing and her movements were reducing, Mum of a Bean (lets call her MOAB) was being induced….. tomorrow!!! Now that put anxieties into overload. So we packed our bags and the next day we went to hospital, me thinking we’ll be walking out with our bundle of joy in a couple of hours.
THREE FUCKING DAYS!!!! Which consisted of having to “sleep” on a dodgy chair and deal with nurses with no sense of humour. Apparently asking for an internal whilst lying on the bed is not appropriate hospital behaviour! Anyway, the birth!!!!! MOAB was an absolute legend, no need for pain relief, squeezed her out in one! Split in her half, got sewed up, went up to the ward, didn’t sleep and fed the little one all night and then greeted me with a smile the following morning. Again ladies! Yes you’re massively crazy and hormonal, but you’re also WELL HARD!!!!!!
The After Birth
So this bit is not about the horrible liver coloured thing that gets dragged out of your vagina after baby, but the bit where shit gets real!
Here we are – brought Bean home, realised we’ve had a massive flood in the living room. Bow and Bobby are all over Bean, MOAB is feeling like shit, but not telling me!!!! I end up moving everything out of the living room and we have to live in the dining room for a couple of days until it gets sorted and dried! MOAB is getting worse to the point of almost passing out through exhaustion and me wanting to call for an ambulance and getting arsey with the midwife as she wasn’t taking us seriously.
After that, we moved back to the living room and after a few weeks MOAB was getting help and asking for help and Bow and Bobby were now used to having a baby sister. So it was just me and I had to go back to work, full of dread of what was going to happen at home whilst I was away, as PND was creeping its ugly head!
I made a decision to work from home again to keep an eye on MOAB, but this was starting to have a negative impact on my mental health due to not seeing or having any interaction with the outside world (other than emails) and not being surrounded by colleagues. I became a bit of a hermit and started to feel my confidence slipping away. Looking back, one piece of advice I would give to myself would be “get back to work straight after the paternity ends and ask people for help!! Do it for you!! You can’t be a super hero to everyone, stop being an arsehole, stubborn and impatient…” Hence my comments about men earlier!
I am now back in the office and since being back to a normal work life, things are amazing and Bean is sooooooo much fun and is looking excited to see me when walk through the door. Bow and Bobby are loving playing with their little sister and MOAB, yet still nuts and hormonal is doing such an amazing job. Bean is so lucky to have a mum that loves and cares for that much, she can’t bear to put her in her own room! Not so much of the anxiety but for the fact she misses her! I have never been so proud of a woman, who has PND, Anxiety and Fibromyalgia to name a few to do what she does, oh and look after two step children too. THIS WOMAN IS A LEGEND and these blogs she writes, I think she is doing it for several reasons. 1. To clear her mind 2. To help others 3. To prove that she is capable of doing anything she puts her mind to.
So please keep reading and sharing Mum of a Bean, it means so much to her and to me as well. Oh, and if you would like to comment below on my amazing sense of humour then do it!! Because MOAB still thinks she’s funnier than me 😉 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx