A letter to my pregnant self

Hey Fatty!!

Its me, well you, contacting you a year in the future. According to my Time Hop (and very foggy memory), you’re feeling a bit, well a lot shitty!!

Pregnancy isn’t what its cracked up to be is it?? You’re feeling sick, seriously emotional (remember when you cried at that crocodile being killed on telly when you don’t even like crocodiles?) and feeling fat fat fat!!! You should be at that stage where you feel like you actually look pregnant now and not like you’ve eaten the entire contents of the fridge…. which you most likely have. But its ok, according to everyone you talk to, you’re allowed to eat like a bodybuilder on cheat day!!

However, as you have read in every article possible about a “healthy” pregnancy diet, the whole “eating for two” idea…. or ten, in your case, is an absolute lie and the actual extra calories you’re supposed to consume to help your growing little bundle of joy is the same as what’s in beans on toast….. whoops!
Don’t feel bad, and please don’t stop eating that entire cake that you’re about to shove in your face because you’re going to need it to help you through this next bit I’m going to talk about…. the actual reason why I’m contacting you….

It’s happening again, isn’t it.

That stupid but ever present voice in your head that keeps telling you that you shouldn’t be happy about this pregnancy, that good things wont happen to you and when anyone asks the dreaded questions “how long you got left?” or “are you excited”, that voice tells you that something bad will happen to the baby if you get excited, or that you will die during childbirth. It must be hard for you to read because its incredibly hard for me to type, but its true!
Before you met Superman and became the happiest girl in the world, you used to feel like this, you used to hear that negative voice in your head all the time. But you were sad and lonely then, not now though… but it’s still there isn’t it?? It’s just saying different things.
You’re not sleeping, you’re in a world of pain with your pelvis (the dreaded SPD) and everyone keeps telling you you’re “glowing” when the reality is, you don’t feel very “glowy” at all!!
But on the outside you’re all smiles and have fake excited down to a tee!!

It hasn’t gone unnoticed though! If he hasn’t already, Superman is about to sit down and have a pretty serious chat with you. Unbeknownst to you, that wonderful man of yours has been researching antinatal depression for a few weeks after recognising some changes in your behaviour. He’s noticed everything! The moodiness, being really anxious, not sleeping, snapping at him and the kids, constantly crying, not wanting to do anything fun….. He knows something is wrong and hasn’t put it down to you “just” being pregnant!!!

When he talks to you about it, just be honest and tell him everything!! It’s not your fault, you didn’t make this happen, but you need to find the right help now before things get worse!!! And things do get better, Superman supports you with telling the midwife and being referred to the perinatal support team who offer you lots of support, regular phone calls throughout your pregnancy and you get invited to a group with other pregnant women you are going through the same thing as you, because you’re not alone!!

So, let’s go through some of these worries you’ve been having shall we??

Will I die during childbirth and leave my family behind, or will something happen to my baby?

Ok…. repeat after me…. I will not die during childbirth and neither will my baby!!!
Everything goes so well!!! You have a normal delivery, not the relaxing and natural home birth that you’re planning in your head…. In fact you might as well rip up that plan right now and just go with the flow.
There is a slight hiccup that happens…. which I will get to once you’ve gone and got yourself some more cake….

Ready?

Will I tear during childbirth?

……. You know how you’ve always wanted to know when something bad is going to happen? Like the time you stopped reading the second Hunger Games book half way through because it seemed far too bleak and instead you found the endings to the rest of the series because you felt like you needed to prepare yourself for all the bad things you knew would happen??
Well ….. here goes….
Yes
Yes, you tear!
And when I say tear, I mean you practically get ripped in half!!!!
But before you start hyperventilating, you need to know that everything turns out fine.
You still get that skin to skin contact with your freshly born baby, then they whisk you away, stitch you all back up and hey presto, you have yourself a brand spanking new, designer vagina!!!!
There is one mortifying moment when a young and rather attractive male doctor comes in to see the surgeon, and your there, legs akimbo with absolutely nothing to hide. The doctor then decides to stare directly at your vagina whilst he congratulates the surgeon on his handy work….. Other than that, everything is absolutely fine!!!

Ok, the last worry.

Will I be a good mum?

Are you kidding me??? Of course you will be… and that’s the first time I’ve EVER admitted that!! You’re brilliant!! Please please please stop being so hard on yourself. No mum finds it easy in the beginning but you find a way to be the best parent you can. If you start to struggle, you ask for help!

Ok, I think my work here is done!

Please get lots of rest, let people look after you when you need it.
Ignore all those people that say “you’re only pregnant, you’re not ill!!” Because even your midwife tells you that you’ve had a tough pregnancy. Try and enjoy it the best you can. You’ll soon have your little girl safely in your arms, yep, you heard me, you are definitely having a girl!! You can now stop worrying, the scans are not wrong, all 5 of them…. she’s a girl!!!!!

Speak soon
Love always
Me/You xxxx

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7 thoughts on “A letter to my pregnant self

  1. JS says:

    I’m pretty sure you’ve also written this letter to me….even down to the hungry games book! I feel worried/anxious about the same things and your replies made me smile and at the end a tiny little cry. I’ve got 8 weeks to go, had a hard pregnancy, want it to be all over but also freaking out because one she’s got to come out, talk about horror stories and what if I can’t cope, what if she doesn’t like me….anyways, love the letter!

    Like

    • mumofabean says:

      Thank you so much for your comment! You are the reason I wrote this! Women who are struggling through something that is made out to be easy and normal! Its not normal, youre going to be pushing something out of your vagina, its frightening!!!! You’ll be fine though, just make sure you look after yourself!! Its funny you should say that you’re worried your baby not liking you, mines 9 months old now and iv only just accepted that she loves and not just because I supply boobie milk!! Good luck in the rest of your pregnancy and let me know how it goes xxx

      Like

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